I’d say the least-adjusted affair I do, for fun, as a actually developed developed rapidly abutting his thirties, involves walking about southeast London and idly fantasising about owning anniversary and every abode and home I airing past. I am the Charlie Bucket of house-hunting, and I’m acute my besmeared little brat adenoids and paws up adjoin the bottle panes of the candied shop, forlornly admiring afterwards all the amber confined within. Appearance me a home and I will covet it, ravenously.
Owning a home won’t be an burning catholicon to all my abounding inane problems and miseries, but I’ve foolishly absitively that, actually, yes it will. In added abstaining moments, I’ve mostly bound myself to the actuality that – barring some amazing upturn in fortunes – homeownership allegedly won’t anytime appear for me and that this is an acutely accustomed approaching for those aural my accomplice to face. But I debris to accord in. And neither do you. That’s why you’re here. Let’s do it, friend. Let’s escape our fates.
Let’s get on the acreage ladder…
1) HAVE INCOME
“Most bodies will alone be able to borrow four to bristles times their anniversary assets for a mortgage,” explains Simon Youel, the arch of action and advancement at Positive Money. “This presents a bit of a botheration aback a abode in about like London costs about 12 times the boilerplate income.”
To buy the boilerplate bulk acreage in the UK (£231,185) you’d about charge to be earning about £46,237 a year. Admission any added abode bulk into a calculator, bisect it by five, and afresh feel Acutely Bad.
2) A LOT OF INCOME
According to government statistics, the boilerplate annual balance for 18-21 year olds is £18,200 and £25,740 for 22-29 year olds. So alike if you’re accurately represented by the closing figure, you’d be attractive at acreage annual £128,700. According to the best contempo stats, there is no distinct arena in the UK breadth the boilerplate abode bulk is aural adeptness of this figure.
3) HAVE A NEST DEPOSIT EGG
“It’s currently a boxy bazaar for any first-time buyer, as the majority of lenders won’t access you unless you’ve got a 15 percent deposit,” says Johanna Noble, the money editor at MoneySavingExpert.com. That abundantly priced £231,185 home? You’ll charge to be on £46,000 a year and accept £34,678 adored up for the majority of lenders. But that isn’t all lenders…
“If you can alone allow a baby deposit, accept a attending at specialist mortgages,” says Noble. “A cardinal of deals will booty affectionate assets – or addition about – into annual as able-bodied as the child’s income, as continued as the parents can still awning their own mortgage. These deals are few and far between, so it’s best to allege to a agent to see if any are accessible to you.”
5) START SHOPPING AROUND EARLY
When you’re a antibody corpuscle basic in the seminiferous tubules of your -to-be father’s ball-bag, for instance. Afore you absorb nine months feasting off glucose, fats, and protein filtered through your host mother’s placenta, ask yourself: am I acceptable to accede any banking advantage from this accurate insemination? Alone admission into the mitosis action to become a antibody corpuscle aback you’ve begin the parents that assignment for you.
6) RAID THE BANK OF MUM AND DAD
“It’s absolute adamantine to buy a house, or a flat, if you’re in your twenties or aboriginal thirties if you don’t accept support,” says Maja Gustafsson of the Resolution Foundation. This will be a draft if your abutting and angel accept annihilation to accord you except their “unconditional love”, a article with absolute little absorbed bazaar value.
7) CHECK YOUR INBOX
If you’re obliviously affluent abundant that an editor has articulate you for a “money diary” because you don’t accept why demography them up on the action to advertise your atrocious affiliated abundance as replicable admonition adeptness be accustomed “badly”, afresh congratulations! You can get on the acreage ladder!
8) GET IN SOMEONE’S GOOD BOOKS (I.E. THEIR WILL)
Old people, they die.
9) OUTLIVE YOUR SIBLINGS
Beloved alone accouchement of homeowners are quids in aback their parents become bastard food. But what if you accept aggressive next-of-kins? No one wants to be the aftermost brood of their surname, but if you’re austere about your affairs of accepting on the acreage ladder, you adeptness accept to action for it.
10) SIMPLY EARN THE AVERAGE SALARY AND WAIT
According to Maja Maja Gustafsson, a researcher at the Resolution Foundation, the boilerplate first-time-buyer is about amid 28 to 32, and on their boilerplate assets “they would accept to save for about 21 years to save up abundant for the boilerplate aboriginal time buyer’s deposit”.
11) BUY WITH YOUR PARTNER
A x2 banking multiplier for your accumulated annual income, your savings, your drop fund, admission to any vestiges of familial abundance etc. Also a x2 accent multiplier. Every accessory altercation or agreeable row now carries the blackmail of instigating a alienation action whereby you both lose a adverse bulk of money.
12) BUY WITH A FRIEND
The aforementioned as the above, but with addition you accept no perilous adventurous adapter to! However, this decidedly complicates the adeptness to anatomy and move in with any abeyant approaching perilous adventurous attachments.
13) GET ADOPTED INTO MONEY
The UK’s acceptance absolute is 18, which isn’t ideal for those of you alone realising, now, in adolescence that your dumbass parents didn’t accumulate abandoned amounts of abundance and assets to canyon on. However, you can still affected the disappointment of your absolute ancestor by affective about like the US, Japan or Germany, breadth developed acceptance is actually legal.
14) MARRY INTO WEALTH
It’s accessible that you could artlessly appear to “fall for” addition whose minted birth has actually no amplitude over your affections, but frankly, the alone accurate adulation that affairs actuality is amid your ancestors and their child, whose approaching they’ll pay to secure.
Wash your easily of your anachronistic livelihood, abolish your financially unviable dreams from your memory, brew “highest paid jobs in the UK” into Google, blast accessible a few YouTube tutorials and artlessly become one of life’s winners.
16) ASK YOUR EMPLOYER FOR MORE MONEY
If several centuries of backer administration accept apparent anything, it’s that those who own the agency of assembly are acutely acceptant to requests for a fairer administration of the surplus bulk created by their employees’ labour.
17) JOIN A TRADE UNION
“The structural appearance of the labour bazaar and the abundance arrangement accomplish it adamantine for accustomed workers and decidedly low paid workers to save at a bulk which gives them any accomplishment of affairs a abode anytime soon,” says Common Wealth’s Mathew Lawrence. “My acknowledgment would affectionate of be: accompany a barter abutment and accept aggregate acceding to addition wages. That’s allegedly your best abbreviate appellation bet.”
18) USE THE LIFETIME ISA
The government’s Lifetime ISA is accessible to 18-40 year-olds, absolution you “save up to £4,000 a year appear your aboriginal home, and gives you a banknote benefit of 25 percent, up to £1,000 a year, on top,” advises MoneySavingExpert.com’s Johanna Noble. “It’s a acceptable abode to accumulate your accumulation if you’re attractive to buy in over a year’s time, which is the ancient you can abjure to get the bonus.”
19) NO MORE THINGS
“When extenuative for a deposit, anticipate about what you can realistically allow and budget,” advises Noble. “MSE’s Demotivator Tool can appearance you abundant you can save by acid out approved spends like coffee or action tickets.”
20) WIN THE LOTTO
Contrary to the aftermost bit of advice, which is allegedly sound, if you do administer to win the action (odds: one in 45,057,474), you’ll allegedly accept abundant for a deposit.
21) SHARED OWNERSHIP
A arrangement whereby you buy a allotment in a acreage (typically about amid 25 percent and 75 percent), pay a mortgage on that share, and pay hire to a Apartment Association for the remainder. Through “staircasing”, it’s accessible to eventually buy up all the shares, until you are the sole buyer of the property. However, afore then, you “bear abounding albatross for the costs, but accept none of the acknowledged allowances of ownership” and can potentially lose all of your disinterestedness if you abatement abaft with your rent, warns Resident Analyst’s Neal Hudson.
22) HELP TO BUY
“Here, you alone charge a 5 percent deposit, while the Government will accommodate you up to 20 percent (40 percent in London) interest-free for bristles years,” explains MoneySavingExpert’s Johanna Noble. “However, the adaptation is alone for new builds that are £400,000 or beneath in bulk – £600,000 in London.”
Again, Neal Hudson angelus in afresh to absorption that new builds are “not consistently a abundant idea, accustomed any affectionate of issues about arena hire annual charges, architecture assurance and quality”.
“Before you alike administer for a mortgage, see if you can drive bottomward the bulk of the acreage you ambition to buy,” suggests Noble. “The beneath you pay, the added the bulk adored for your drop will be worth. For example, if you accept a £20,000 drop and pay the £143,000 allurement price, that would according a 14 percent deposit. Yet if you put in an action of £133,000 and it gets accepted, your drop would according 15 percent.”
24) WAIT FOR THE HOUSING MARKET TO, FOR SOME REASON, SUDDENLY BEND IN YOUR FAVOURSure, why not.
25) MAKE PROPERTY A BAD INVESTMENT
The added acutely big-ticket apartment becomes, the bigger advance it is. And the bigger advance it is, the added acutely big-ticket it becomes. It actually follows inversely, then, that one way of authoritative apartment added affordable, would be to breach this absolute acknowledgment loop, and accomplish acreage a worse investment…
26) BUY PROPERTY RIDDLED WITH JAPANESE KNOTWEED
Japanese knotweed is an acutely invasive and difficult to abolish bulb which can abound through a property, causing awe-inspiring accident to the foundations, floorboards, walls, accouterments and aloof best genitalia of a home you wouldn’t appetite to be monumentally damaged.
This all sounds bad, but it badly reduces the bulk of backdrop abundant with the stuff, generally by as abundant as 15 percent, and sometimes, entirely!
27) PLANT JAPANESE KNOTWEED UNDER OR NEAR YOUR DREAM HOUSE
If you went on the internet, bought a bulk of knotweed and a balaclava, afresh – in the asleep of night – crept annular the aback of a home you’d basic for years, lobbed the seeds into the garden, afresh this would be illegal, and I can’t be apparent to admonish it.
28) MOVE IN WITH YOUR PARENTS
If you’ve got one (or multiple) parents with a additional allowance you can move into, for chargeless or for below-market rent, hit them up! It’s time to un-fly the nest.
“It’s allegedly not abundant for people’s brainy health,” Maja Gustafsson notes. “Probably not that abundant for people’s affectionate of faculty of self. And faculty of achievement. And their labour bazaar prospects. And they’re beneath mobile.
“But it does action an befalling to save.”
29) SEIZE THE NEW NORMAL
If we accept the atypical coronavirus to acknowledge for anything, it’s the acceleration of alien working, video appointment calling and the “virtual office”, rapidly accretion into every bend of your life. No added commuting expenses, no added renting in punishingly unaffordable cities, no added Pret gristle. You could move about cheaper for a bit, abate your costs-to-income, assuredly save up for that deposit!
According to “the law”, clearing in residential barrio is actionable and “can advance to 6 months in prison”, a “£5,000 fine” or “both”. Clearing abandoned non-residential buildings, however, is added of a acknowledged blah area.
31) BUILD YOUR OWN HOUSE
According to “tradesmencosts.co.uk” you could body a two-bedroom abode for amid £180,000 to £280,000 – a about bargain. This bulk adeptness be somewhat misleading, accustomed that it doesn’t assume to accommodate the “additional costs” of acknowledged fees, brand duty, acreage survey, artist fees, assets for planning permission, assets for architecture control, structural engineer, warranty, insurance, utilities connection, architecture ascendancy fees, planning appliance or, crucially, the artifice of land. Do you alike (know how to) lift (a hod), bro?
32) START A HOUSING CO-OP
Crudely and in short; instead of owning an alone assemblage of property, you own shares aural a bigger corporation. If you move out, instead of affairs the assemblage of your home, you advertise your shares. In theory, this can accord association far added ascendancy over their active situation, and allows them to utilise their aggregate purchasing ability to access land, assets, acreage and body from blemish added affordably.
33) GET A STARTER HOME
A arrangement whereby 200,000 new builds could authorize for a abatement of up to 20 percent off the bazaar price, to be aloof for first-time buyers beneath 40. Sounds alright! Hatherley is beneath enamoured: “The absolute abstraction of a amateur home is repugnant.”
“You shouldn’t be architecture subpar housing. Amateur homes are based on the acceptance that assertive kinds of apartment should be substandard. That’s the affair that you alpha on, and afresh you eventually get yourself article decent. Countries as affluent as this should not accept a apartment arrangement based on the abstraction that you accord some bodies crap.”
34) CHANGE “THE SYSTEM”
“These problems are appealing structural and ingrained, and accordingly charge like a array of political bread-and-butter intervention, at a systemic level,” says Mathew Lawrence. “But, you know, one actuality can’t do that on their own. So that can’t actually be your advice…”
35) ORGANISE A NATIONWIDE RENT STRIKE
Just think: what if we all chock-full advantageous hire at once? What would happen? Chaos! Maybe we could all use our time not advantageous hire to save for deposits, while the bulk of apartment slumped, on annual of our not advantageous rent! The website rent-strike.org is an invaluable ability for information, cardinal materials, acknowledged admonition and added organising contacts.
36) DON’T GET INTO CONTENT
The industry that coined the appellation “pivot” to call the atrocious rats-off-a-sinking-ship clutter to leave it and was already in gargling afterlife affliction afore the all-around communicable is not in the rudest of healths for you to accede pivoting into it now. Added importantly, I alone don’t charge any added competition.
37) GET INTO CONTENT TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW YOU’RE “LEAVING LONDON”, PRECIPITATING A MASS EXODUS
The hyper-competitive cardinal of bodies allusive to alive in bound adaptation in a burghal breadth all the opportunities are actuality concentrated agency the best audacious active spaces are activity for added ample fees. But what if anybody simply…. fucked off?
“If there’s falling appeal [then] that adeptness be a deflationary accountability because there’s beneath appeal for houses,” says a agnostic Mathew Lawrence. “I wouldn’t say, it’s impossible…”
38) MOVE TO A SMALLER, BUT EQUALLY GOOD CITY
“There’s this affectionate of abstraction that there’s London and there’s everywhere else,” says Tribune’s Owen Hatherley, extolling the virtues of Nottingham, Bristol, Glasgow, Liverpool, Manchester, and…
39) MOVE TO THIS CITY SPECIFICALLY
“There’s a absolute nice bit in one of Danny Dorling’s books,” Hatherley recalls. “He describes this admirable burghal with bargain housing, rolling hills, abundant pubs, nice cafes, acceptable culture, acceptable universities, nice schools, and afresh goes, at the end: and this abode is called…”
40) MOVE ANYWHERE BUT SOUTH-WEST ENGLAND
Government stats appearance the all-embracing house-price-to-average-earnings arrangement for England and Wales is 7.06, but 13.67 in London and 10.8 in the South East – compared to averages of 5.64 in Wales, 5.56 in North East England, and 4.66 in the North East.
41) MOVE TO AN ABSOLUTE SHITHOLE
42) SOLVE AN INTRACTABLE POLITICAL PROBLEM
“A lot added bodies accept apartment abundance in this country, about to added forms of wealth,” explains Common Wealth’s Mathew Lawrence. “The distributional backroom of apartment is accordingly abundant added complicated. [You could have] a transformative backroom that will accomplish apartment affordable, but then, well, who wins? Who loses? Who bears the cost? There’s added bodies in comedy there than: we’re activity to accept a abundance tax on billionaires.”
Simply appear up with a way of abbreviation abode prices that doesn’t account the home-owning citizenry of the UK (65.5 percent) to lose a amazing bulk of money.
43) VOTE CONSERVATIVE
‘The ladder hasn’t existed for ages. There is no ladder!” says Hatherley. “Inheritance will not be abundant to brainwash Conservative belief in the new generations. And they apperceive that. The ones amid them that are beneath brainless are acquainted of this.”
Matthew Lawrence reckons “there is a absolute political allurement for the Conservative Party to be like: we’re gonna body a shit-tonne of housing”.
“The jury’s out,” he adds, “[but] in some ways, that’s beneath doubtful than, like; ‘Hey, we’re gonna accept aggregate acceding post-crisis because we anticipate we charge to rebalance ability amid basic and labour!’”
44) VOTE LABOUR
“I’m aural badly miserable,” says Hatherley. “But actually, things are bigger now than they were from the aboriginal 2000s until about three years ago, because there’s an acquaintance of the problem. Alike actually appropriate addition Labour abstracts will now admit, privately, they fabricated a big aberration on housing. That they accustomed this balloon to be pumped up. They didn’t body abundant board housing. That they didn’t adapt landlords and adapt rents, and that a lot of the problems that accept been acquired are their fault. Abreast they will acquaint you this. So there is an acquaintance of the problem…”
45) START YOUR OWN PARTY
Mathew Lawrence explains that afterwards governments aback Thatcher accept maintained a adequately constant political access of “keeping a bubbling apartment market, asset bulk inflation, enabling a abundance aftereffect that drives debt-fuelled consumption, the advance motive, the financialisation of apartment and added financialisation of the economy, accumulate those plates spinning”.
“If that’s activity into reverse, there’s a political advance for parties to go: how do we break this? If we’re attractive for article like an opening, there is allegedly a big political adjustment for whoever can footfall up and boldness this.”
46) GET INVOLVED IN LOCAL POLITICS
Owen Hatherley’s book Red Metropolis abstracts the assets fabricated by municipalities throughout London aback the backward 1800s and serves as a ambulatory call-to-arms for the radicalism which can be won through bounded democracy, adjoin the course of Westminster.
“In some ways, you accept a agnate affectionate of Conservative aggression activity on now,” he tells me, which he identifies as a abode of opportunity. “Even adequately appropriate addition and centrist Labour councils are nowadays attractive at board apartment again, and I anticipate acute them on that and acute them to do added of it is a accessible route.”
47) DON’T ROB A BANK
If you can auspiciously rob a coffer afterwards implicating me or VICE, afresh fair play, but frankly, it’s adjoin the law, and you actually shouldn’t.
48) BE A BANKER
According to Prospects, a banker’s amateur bacon is about £40,000, rises to £50k afterwards three years, and can access to a abject bacon of £150,000 with experience. That’s loads. Plus, you’d apperceive a lot added about mortgages than addition codicillary on internet listicles for advice.
49) BE A BANK
Create money out of attenuate air, accord out mortgages irresponsibly, booty cool banking risks and accept them underwritten by the accompaniment if they backfire? Sign me up!
50) BECOME A ROGUE LOCKSMITH
Locksmiths don’t get abundant attention. These bodies accept accoutrement and ability which beggarly they can about alleviate any acreage they want. I’m abiding there are belief in abode which anticipate them from abusing this power, but you should fuck about and acquisition out.
51) MANIFEST A HOUSE
Buy yourself a keyring that you’ll brainstorm you’ll eventually pop abutting to the fob which unlocks the aegis doors of your dream belief opportunity. Will it work? No.
52) JUST START THE PODCAST ALREADY
There’s a assertive amusing stigma absorbed to actuality a ambitious “podcaster” in the year 2020, but every cunt’s at it and there are alone so abounding Patreons your meagre amusing media followers can analytic accord to afterwards realistically bankrupting themselves. Swallow that pride.
I am amid the youngest of the millennial cohort. I am finer asleep in the eyes of marketeers. Therefore, annihilation accepted which baffles me charge be profitable. I don’t “get” Tiktok. Get miming, friend.
54) GO TO PRISON
I’ve been at pains not to acclaim annihilation actionable so far, and this tip is no different. Artlessly get yourself bedevilled of a abomination you didn’t commit, break all your accumulation into a appropriate ISA, do a 30-year amplitude and appear out with a annoying little pay packet.
55) GET CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN
This costs £160,000, apparently, and gives you a tenured home for ages. Maybe the apartment crisis will be apparent by the time you’re aqueous out.
It seems a bit awful to put yourself advanced as a admirable GoFundMe case aloof because you’re not on the acreage ladder. I mean, it is, unquestionably, but it adeptness work. Assuage the answerability by alms “rewards” to accord the backers a lil article back. Tenner for your name in a guestbook, a brace of hundred allows you to aces out the flat-pack furniture, £20,000 gets a personalised acknowledge you video.
57) PARTNER WITH ME SO WE CAN REALISE MY £1 BILLION APP IDEA
I already came up with an actually abhorrent abstraction for an app I can agreement will accomplish you money. This is not a joke. It’s legitimate. It will accomplish you money. Email me if you’re interested. No time-wasters. Please. I charge a win.
58) INDISCRIMINATELY INVEST IN CRYPTO
I’ve no abstraction how it works. Annual a punt.
59) PROJECT MBAPPÉ
Kylian Mbappé’s ancestor wasn’t a World Cup champ who becoming £16.2 actor a year by the time he was 21, but his son is. Artlessly accept a adolescent for the accurate purpose of acquisitive it escapes your structural disadvantage and becomes a multi-multi-millionare. This is a advantageous access to animal life.
60) LIVE IN VR
With abundant tutorials, a headset, some electricity and an internet connection, you could accomplish a actual alcazar for yourself, escape the horrors of your miserable, blah lived absoluteness into a paradise of pixels. Footfall aback into the Matrix.
61) DO A #JOURNOREQUEST
Anyone got a additional abode I can have? It’s for A Thing! DMs open!
62) LIVE RENT FREE IN MY HEAD
Maggie Thatcher. Stan Kroenke. Harry Kane. Gillian Duffy. Ricky Gervais. The Parliamentary Labour Party. Swindon Parkway Train Station. ISIS. The England Men’s National Football Team. The Dentist Who Shot Cecil The Lion. Not one aloof pound’s annual of hire paid by my bitter enemies years now. No bailiffs can abolish them. Add yourself to the cat-and-mouse account by awkward me aural an inch of my life.
63) CONSULT A FINANCIAL ADVISOR
Probably should accept anticipation of this ages ago yourself, instead of account the proceeding $.25 of abhorrent drivel to get to this point, shouldn’t you?
64) START A CHANGE.ORG PETITION TO GET THE GOVERNMENT TO SORT THE HOUSING CRISIS OUT
Never know, this adeptness be the one that assuredly gets them to change their mind.
65) WIN A HOUSE IN A RAFFLE
According to this on VICE, alone two bodies (as of July 2020) accept entered a raffle and after apparent their name on the accomplishments to a house. That said: £2. Appealing cheap, for a house!
66) BECOME A SUB-LANDLORD
Become a freeholder afterwards owning acreage in the aboriginal abode by subletting your allowance for added than you pay in rent. If you started renting all over town, and subletting at a profit, either with your landlords’ permissions, or by acrimony the ambagious laws, afresh you could rake in a accomplished block as a parasite’s parasite. A babushka baby tapeworm. I accomplishment you’re proud.
67) WRITE A BESTSELLER THAT REALLY CAPTURES THE ZEITGEIST
The best affectionate of books clumsily and unconvincingly accident a agglomeration of buzzy capacity together, with a appellation that appears to bread a neologistic byword you’ll aback alpha seeing everywhere, allegedly accepting diagnosed The Modern Condition. Mine would be alleged Rental Health: How To K*ll Yourself Rich.
68) JUST FUCKING DIE
Alleviates a lot of your costs of living, and the accountability of apartment you is anesthetized assimilate your abutting of kin, who can accept amid giving you abiding abode in the clay or a huge furnace.
69) SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION
The apartment ladder has fabricated you atrocious by design. This is adequately absolute in the adumbration of the “ladder” – bodies are clambered over, anniversary rung charge be larboard with less, and the basal with the least, by design. In the baffling accident that any of the admonition independent in the antecedent 68 tips helped you get “on the ladder”, this still maintains “the ladder” in some form. Alike if the ladder could be scaled, why should anyone be accustomed to sit at the top? Who should bodies be boarded to languish at the bottom? We annihilate the ladder, accident every rung. Shelter is not to be withheld by a hierarchy, it charge accord to us all.
Anyway. Acceptable luck!
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